The Terrible Things I Will Resort to With No Place to Park

I try to be an honest person, so I actually pay the money required for an annual parking pass – unlike many students I know. There are those who figure the price of a couple of tickets throughout the year would cost them less than the eighty bucks for the pass. It is a risk they are willing to take.

Then I am the one who gets the ticket...

for parking in a specified UVU license plate space. Yup. Me. The honest woman who actually paid to park on campus. I only found the ticket by accident, and that was three days after it was issued. It was crammed way down under my hood so it wouldn’t blow away unless the entire car did.

Oh, you’d better believe I contested that one. They even showed me the picture of my vehicle with my license plate and the sign saying the space was reserved for UVU license plate cars only. Well, I sure didn’t see that posted as I rushed to find a parking place. I was just thrilled to finally see that one had opened up. Thankfully, after my whining and pleas for mercy, they excused the ticket - just this once.

               

 I have heard it said that UVU doesn’t have a parking problem – we have a walking problem. What is that supposed to mean? That we are lazy? For me it is just a time management issue.

Supposedly there are a minimum of twenty empty parking places available on campus at any given time. The same someone that thinks we have a walking problem must have figured out that there are twenty cars simultaneously backing out of a stall somewhere on campus. My theory is that person forgot to take into account there are multiple drivers ready to pounce on each stall as soon as it is vacated

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Like all statistics, you can make the numbers say anything you want.

And what about those days when there are expos or public events being held on campus? Students aren’t even allowed to park in entire lots on those days. Does that mean we have a negative number of parking spots available then? Like that’s gonna work.

                           

Our parking garage has provided one solution – for those who can afford to park there. It only costs $750 per year. Personally, I don’t know many students that can swing that much

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I bet the twenty empty parking places are in there, and that’s why I can’t find them.

UVU is considered a commuter school because there is no on-campus housing. That means almost everyone has to drive to school, thus we have a lot of cars. And try finding another student with the same schedule to carpool with. Good luck with that.

                 

Personally, I just might be willing to cut down a few trees and sacrifice some grass to have more student parking available. Just don’t give me another ticket when I do it. Right now I am late for class - because I couldn't find anywhere to park. 

                         

Disabled? Not This Inspiring Guy

There are a lot of famous Simons in the world. Take Simon Cowell, Paul Simon, Simon Baker, and even “Simon Says”. But none of them have as many awards as Simon Stonebraker possesses. This Simon has “thousands” of medals he keeps in his drawer at home, all from his experiences competing in Special Olympics. And we are lucky enough to have him working right here at Utah Valley University.

Simon is 40 years old and describes himself as a “Down Syndrome boy”. His colossal smile, tremendous attitude, and enthusiastic outlook on life make instant admirers of everyone he meets.  Simon is employed with North Eastern Services (NES), a local company which provides housing and jobs for many disabled adults across Utah. The goal is to assist them in achieving independence, building their self-esteem, and living a full quality life. Simon is a great example of the valuable work they do.                                                                                        

Stonebraker lives in Chrysalis group home in Provo with roommates and a 24-hour staff.  He works as a dishwasher for the UVU cafeteria and loves earning his own money. NES provides a case worker to help him reach his goals – like registering for classes at Utah Valley University.

Simon plans on taking a Ballroom Dance class in the fall, and with his credentials he is a shoe in. He is currently taking a dance class every Friday night in Springville, and he already earned 2^nd place in a BYU dance contest for disabled adults. Add that to his myriad of medals.

But dancing isn’t the only thing he is good at. Simon also enjoys writing poetry and stories, and has even published a book of his works. He loves singing, biking, and NASCAR as well. One of Simon’s prize possessions is his Jeff Gordon coat, with #24 on the back and the Pepsi logo on the front.

The variety of the Special Olympic medals he has earned conveys the athletic talents Simon has in swimming and baseball. He particularly excels in Track and Field, where the standing long jump is his event of choice.

Raised in American Fork, Simon says he always knew he was special because his mother taught him so. He attended Dan Peterson School there, but later went to Provo High where he was enrolled in Special Education classes. Simon claims he didn’t really have a problem with being bullied there because he asked the students he liked to “have my back”, and they did.  

Simon is a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He is in charge of planning and executing “Family Home Evenings” for other disabled adults in his congregation, and he is a District Leader that checks to make sure everyone gets visited by their home teachers each month. Simon also loves to attend the LDS temple as often as possible. He isn’t able to visit his family on the weekends very often because he is determined to perform his Church callings to the best of his ability every Sunday.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t a family man. Simon is very proud of his “real sister, real brother, step sister, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law.” When asked how many nieces and nephews he has, his immediate response is “A Lot!” Simon’s father passed away several years ago, but he remains very close to his mother. Like every good son, he calls her each night just to talk to her.

Simon is very outgoing and friendly, which is the big reason he has “lots of friends”. He is confident and proud of his accomplishments. North Eastern Services has definitely watched this guy live a full quality life. Indeed, Simon Stonebraker is a man of many talents, interests, and abilities. In fact, I wouldn’t consider Simon “dis-abled” at all.

My Four Year Old Daughter's Shocking Confession

When my kids were little we lived in northern California for about five years. I was pregnant with my fourth child and teaching a women's group at church. The topic of the lesson this particular month was, "Teaching Children About the Power of Procreation". My husband and I decided it was a good time to begin explaining things to our little ones on a child's level, so we had a special Family Night lesson about it. I found a wonderful children's book on the subject at the library with just the appropriate level of information for our four, five, and six year old kids.

                         
The book sweetly explained how flowers are pollinated and how dogs have puppies by using plain language and precious drawings. On the last page it had a cute sketch of a Mommy and Daddy laying under the covers in their bed. The book very delicately described that this was how babies come into Mommies' tummies. We wanted to keep it simple, but also use this as a teaching moment to explain that sex is something we only do AFTER we are married because it is so special. We felt good about how the children reacted and were sure we had taught them well.

                         

The next week, my four year old daughter had a little boy over to play. They were the same age, knew each other from church, and always got along perfectly. One of their favorite things was to play house using a little tent-like covering over our card table.They had a great time. After a couple of hours, we took her buddy home and immediately I could tell something was bothering my sweet girl. She didn't want to talk about it at first, but when her solemn behavior continued, I questioned her again. Looking up into my eyes, this little angel started to cry and suddenly sobbed,
"I HAD SEX!"

Once I started breathing again, I sat down and put her on my lap.

                         
I tried to remain calm and find out exactly what had happened. Apparently my husband and I had missed a couple of crucial details, because she thought she and her friend had sex when they laid down together under a blanket! WHEW!! Never a dull moment. And it sure made for a great story all these years.

Confessions of a Parking Stalker

There aren’t many things I don’t absolutely love about being a student at Utah Valley University, but parking is definitely one of them. And I don’t think I am the only one who feels that way. It has been a topic of heated discussion in many of my classes.

                         

In reality, does purchasing a parking pass mean I can always get a space for my car? Not unless I exhibit parking stalker behavior. And I must admit I have gotten pretty good at it.

There is true strategy in victoriously stalking people for their coveted spot, and it means you have to be aggressive. First, you must arrive at least 15 minutes before you actually need to start walking to class. Find a spot next to a sidewalk where students are leaving the building and going to their cars. Be sure your vehicle is facing the direction your prey will be walking, so you can follow them to the actual parking lot you want to end up in. Now wait for your stalkee.  

                         

                         

When a potential candidate walks by the side of your car, quickly roll down your window and politely ask if they are actually parked in the lot you desire. This is essential, because chances are they had to use the lot in the north forty and are just passing through. Once you have verified they are a qualified target, ask for permission to follow them directly to their spot. I use the following phrase, “Can I please parking stalk you?” and that has done the trick.

Put your vehicle in gear and slowly move forward, being sure to follow your victim closely without actually running over them. Be certain to put your blinker on to indicate you are going to use their spot, or another determined parker may try to steal it right out from under you. As you pull into the coveted parking space, smile kindly at the line of cars waiting, as if to say, “Oh, sorry! You have been waiting for a spot for thirteen minutes too?”

Now cautiously exit your vehicle. You may want to walk as closely as possible to the previously parked cars surrounding you. This should provide a buffer so you can avoid being hunted down by the other exasperated students, who are also late for class because they can’t find a parking place.

                    

Many times I have ended up parking way out there in the lot on the very east edge of campus. I can even make the claim that I have used the space furthest from campus. That’s fun. However, it is only after I have become desperate, and have unsuccessfully stalked for the maximum time possible.

But hey, on the bright side, who needs to go to the gym for exercise when you need to park at UVU, right?